Encantu-Submissive’s Journal

The major problem in worshipping a dominant as God, as a disciple worships a guru, is that a submissive invests their energies and identity in that person (as if further to empower that supposed ‘ God’ and forward his interests) and so drains the self of autonomy. This is a special form of disempowerment of the self, which often goes under the name of ’surrender’ or ‘giving up of ego’ or even ‘destruction of ego’.

At first, it may seem to be an empowering relationship, because of the experience of newness, a surge of faith to ride, a new person and new scenes… new opportunities for self-expression and so on. This seems to be a gift of grace from the Dominant, even though the changes are actually made by oneself in the belief that the Dominant is guiding and enhancing this. It may be that the Dominant actually does contribute something too. Nonetheless, the largest contributions over time, in whatever form they take, are always made by the submissive. Therefore, be careful:

Vagueness and ambiguous elasticity of much of some Dominant’s’, with their wide and inaccurate generalizations and many uncontrollable explanations, at times makes it too hard a task for most submissive to master. Subbies should be careful when Doms assertions in one place are trumped or contradicted by counter-assertions elsewhere. Especially when a dominant insist he cannot explain actions that he says are ‘beyond the human mind’ and can only be understood when the mind is killed off… or by God. Thus, he avoids facing any difficult questions. The extenuated fabric of truths, half-truths and contradictions is very difficult to penetrate and see for what they are, especially for those who themselves are fully enrolled in a web of deceits. When a Dominants teaching are so largely ‘black-or-white’, and so sweepingly generalizing and lacking in nuances and depth, whether psychological or philosophical, that they amount to a mostly rigid religious fundamentalism, it is time for the submissive to step back and take a second look before making a complete commitment to a Dominant. Domination is the satisfaction which some people get off on from seeing others jump when.hey snap the whip. The need for some to “boss” others is more easily seen in a factory than at home. Bossing others because you enjoy seeing them obey you is not true Domination.

It is very difficult for anyone who has not gone deeply into the Dominant/Submissive relationship phenomenon, teaching and movement for many years, to have any genuine picture of how things are likely to develop in one’s life. This is one chief reason for us to write at length about the range of experiences that are likely to befall many – if not all – who are a part of the BDSM community. Another reason is to communicate with those who have their own experiences and – like anyone who has given a chunk of their lives to this community – are still reintegrating their lives after the great disaffection, is that we can all learn from the dialogue…